Conversations about Other Women
by noutopiahere
Summary: A series of conversations had by Juliet and Sawyer about some of the other women in their lives. Set during their first months in Dharmaville.


**Title:** Conversations about Other Women.

**Fandom:** Lost

**Characters/Pairings:** Juliet/Sawyer

**Rating:** K

**Words:** 2613

**Summary:** Juliet and Sawyer have some meaningful conversations about the other women in their lives.

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"When I first met you I hated you, y'know." He said.

She laughed lightly, "You weren't too endearing yourself. You wanted to torture me."

"You tazered me and locked me up like an animal."

She put down her book, his too had been discarded. "I am sorry about that James." She said with sincerity.

He shrugged as a reply but didn't take his eyes off of her.

They had been in the 1970s for three months now and they'd quickly fallen into a routine, as the weeks passed they became more and more comfortable in each other's company. They would go to work, eat lunch in the cafeteria, sometimes with the rest of their 'crew', Jin, Miles and Dan. After work they would visit each other's houses, cook, eat, read a book or maybe play a board game (Juliet was highly skilled at Monopoly whereas James preferred Clue.) Occasionally they would watch a film on VHS but the selection was slim. Sometimes they would talk but if they accidentally touched on something too raw or deep they quickly moved on.

She looked down at her hands, she wanted to explain herself, felt like she needed to, "James, I want to tell you about becoming an Other."

"You don't have to Juliet." He was giving her an out, any other night she might have taken it but she not tonight. She knew he wanted to understand; sometimes flippant comments speak a thousand words.

"I know I don't have to," She smiled, "I do want to though."

At first she didn't know where to start, when had her journey to the Island really begun?

"The Island changed me, you wouldn't recognize the woman I use to be."

"It changes us all."

She nodded. "I use to be the type of woman who hid in the closet while her husband had sex with another woman, I was the type of woman who people would just walk all over. But I had my sister, Rachel; she was all that really mattered to me. Then she got cancer and after a lot of chemo she started to recover but the doctors said she would never have children. She wanted them so bad, so I threw myself into my research, I even made a male mouse pregnant once." She looked at him for a reaction, that aspect of her research made most men uncomfortable.

He wrinkled his nose, "That is messin' with nature Blondie. How would the thing have…?" His sentence trailed but she knew what he was asking.

"He didn't carry to term so we never crossed that bridge." She laughed a little at the look on Sawyer's face. "I used Rachel as a guinea pig, at first I felt bad about experimenting but she wanted it so much. No one thought it would work but it did, she became pregnant. I was so happy. I had been approached by an independent company about the research, Mittelos Bioscience, and a Dr Alpert had offered me a job in Portland."

"This ain't what you were expectin' then?"

"Well no, and yes. It was explained to me that the facility was actually in a different location, a secret location," She laughed at the ridiculousness of it. "But I didn't know where. I agree a contract with Richard a contract that said I would work for them for six months then return to my sister to see her give birth. Unfortunately Ben isn't one too keep his promises. So I was brought here and set to work on the pregnancy problem, the women just kept on dying. I couldn't do anything but Ben wouldn't let me leave." She looked down at her hands. "He said I was his and I couldn't leave until he said so."

"That bug-eyed bastard."

"All I wanted was to go home to see my sister and her son. I would have done anything."

She didn't need to apologize again, he knew what it was like, and he reached his hand out to hers and held it gently.

"Who'd have thought I would become the sort of person to try and kill someone on the operating table or shoot a friend to death."

"I never would have suspected Dr Sunshine, on the beach with the revolver." He grinned.

She pushed his hand away but laughed, grateful for the reprieve from seriousness.

"We play too many board games." She topped up her Dharma Merlot and took a long drink from the glass.

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A few months passed and their routine didn't change. One night, just like the others, they were playing Monopoly and Juliet was winning.

"It's all about having a calm approach James, carefully considering the perfect moment to buy property."

"Gloating ain't an attractive quality Business Barbie."

"Neither is sulking." They were both smiling. "Anyway, it's your turn." He nodded and rolled the dice, ending up in jail.

He spoke up out of nowhere. "I have a daughter, in the real world, whatever that means."

She knew, she'd read his file, but she let him talk.

"Clementine, what kind of name is that anyway?"

"It's pretty."

"Orange is what it is. I never met her. I was no good to anyone, definitely not as a father. But the Island changed me too Juliet. I think maybe I'd like to meet her, maybe read her a book, throw a ball, and catch a ball. The sorts of things dads do. But she ain't gonna be born for nearly thirty years. Hell I'm only six. Not exactly Don Juan yet." She laughed.

"Don't know why you're laughin', the ladies can't resist a bit of Sawyer." That only made her laugh more.

She exhaled a long breath. "Sorry, of course, you are irresistible to women." She got up to get some more wine from the kitchen counter.

He rolled the dice again. "Do ya think I will ever get to see her?" She was behind him now and he didn't look at her when he spoke the words in an almost inaudible whisper.

"Honestly?" She paused. "I don't know James. I don't know if we will ever get back, if we will see anyone we love again." She reached her hand out to touch his shoulder and his fingers just barely touched the tips of hers. They were silent for a few moments.

"At least you got my back."

"Yea." She breathed.

"Now are you gonna get back here and bankrupt me or what? Next time we are playing Clue. I can't stand all this loosin'"

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Sometimes when their days off coincided they would have a day out together. Take a picnic that Juliet prepared, Sawyer would complain that they use to be survivors, eating off the land, that was until they'd find a place to eat lunch and he would be handed his favourite sandwich, steak and mustard, and a homemade muffin, usually chocolate. They would enjoy the sun, talk about their weeks, laugh and watch the soothing movement of the jungle.

"Juliet?"

"Hmmm…?"

"You ever been in love?"

She sat up and looked at him, his face open and vulnerable.

"I thought I was. No, that isn't fair. I have been in love."

"Who?"

"Edmund, my ex-husband. He was a lot of things but I did love him. Till I hated him."

"What about Jack?" she couldn't hide her surprise at his question. They had shied away from talking about the people who'd left them behind. But time had passed maybe they were moving on.

"It's difficult." She faltered. "I think I did, I loved the idea of him at least. I thought he was my knight, not that I needed to be saved, I can save myself."

"Ain't that the truth." He said smiling.

"But he was my relief, someone who would carry a bit of the burden for me. He promised to help me and I wanted to rely on someone. But in the end I was just the other woman again. It hurt, but maybe not as much as I thought it would." She looked out and the long grass and back to James. "What about you?"

"For the longest time I thought I could never love a woman right. I'd never be tied down like that. But I loved her. So much and she broke my heart so many times."

Juliet knew, she may have been drunk but she saw his eyes as he stared out across the ocean to the pillar of black smoke, he'd sacrificed himself and now they were gone.

"It wasn't just our ending that did it, she always chose me second. At the time I didn't mind, I knew I was being used, but I wanted to touch her, to see a smile on her face, I think I woulda done anything she asked."

"Love does that to a person." Juliet agreed and lay back down on to the blanket and rested her head on his shoulder. "We are just unlucky I suppose."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Everything happens for a reason, ain't that how the saying goes?"

"Didn't realize you were a man of destiny James."

He gave a slight chuckle; she felt the reverberations in his chest. "Neither did I."

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It was the six months into their stay in Dharmaville. Jim Lafleur had gone drinking with the security guys, Dan was busy working on something smart for the science team, so Juliet had decided to stay in, have a nice bath, maybe do something girly and listen to her Petula Clark record. So far she had had her bath and sat down with some wine, Dharma seem to have a never ending supply, and had read a good chunk of her new book 'Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy' by John le Carre.

She was on her second glass when there was a knock on the door. She stood and lifted the needle off of the record. The table kept spinning. She looked through the peephole and saw Sawyer standing at her door; she looked back at the clock. Eleven thirty. Not too late but still. She opened the door and wordlessly invited him in.

He only stepped through the threshold, not moving any further into her home. She could smell the alcohol on him, could see the drunkenness in his eyes.

"James, are you alright?" She placed her palm on his chest, just above his heart.

"I…" He started and then stopped. He looked straight into her eyes. "Kate is a ghost."

Her brow creased in confusion.

"She is just a ghost now, she broke my heart but now I have let her go. I see her face sometimes in my mind but she is just a ghost."

Juliet took his shoulders, "Come and sit down" and led him to the couch, sitting next to him.

"It does hurt, it still hurts, Juliet."

She took his jacket off. "How much have you had to drink James? Let me get you some water."

"No." He grabbed her hand as she stood pulling her back down. "No, it still hurts." He repeated. "But only a little bit now. I was thinking, I was thinking this evening," He touched her face and she closed her eyes for a second. "I was thinking about you, you and your blonde hair."

She smiled a little sadly and moved her face away. "James, you are drunk."

"Yea, I am. I ain't gonna deny it, but it's only makin' me say what I feel, not putting ideas into my head."

"I didn't think you'd be a heartfelt drunk."

"I ain't but you…you, you…"

"I am going to bed." She stood and clicked off the power to the record player. Effectively ending the conversation. "You can sleep on the couch but take off your shoes before you lie down." He didn't protest.

She left the room and entered her bedroom; she closed the door and leaned back against it. She scrubbed her face with her hands. He was drunk she told herself. He didn't mean anything. She couldn't deny she thought of him too, of course she did, he was her friend, one of the best she'd had but sometimes in the quiet she thought about more. She shook her head. He wouldn't remember any of this in the morning. Don't be silly.

She fell asleep chastising herself.

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Sunlight woke him in the morning. His head was pounding and his neck was cricked into an uncomfortable position. Then he remembers last night. He had said nothing he couldn't pretend away, Juliet had made sure of that. Truth was he didn't want to pretend it away, it wasn't the alcohol talking, he had meant what Juliet wouldn't let him say. He knew she was scared but he was sure she felt what he did.

He would tell her. When she woke up. What time was it anyway? Six! He slumped back into the sofa.

Juliet didn't rise until nine. At first she was hesitant to go to the living room but she cautiously called out to Sawyer as she walked down the hall.

"In the kitchen."

The smell of breakfast hit her as she walked closer to the kitchen and when she got there she saw that Sawyer had laid out a wonderful breakfast; eggs, bacon, mushrooms, toast, tomatoes coffee, orange juice and even some pancakes.

He smiled when he saw her in the doorway, in her pajamas and her hair messily tied in a bun. Strands of hair escaping at every opportunity, framing her face.

"Wow." She smiled at him in return.

They ate breakfast and chatted happily, neither bringing up what hadn't been said the night before. When Juliet drained the last of her orange juice Sawyer took his chance.

"Juliet, about last night."

"James, it's fine, lets just forget about it." She looked away from his face.

"I don't want to forget about it. I want you to let me finish." She was silent. "You, you're…I don't know. Remember when you said it was difficult?" He eyes widened a little. "Well, I'm not sure but I think this is difficult." He motioned between them.

"James it doesn't have to be difficult, you don't…" He cut her off.

"Maybe you're right, maybe it's not really difficult, difficult." This was mildly confusing to them both. He continued on regardless. "Juliet you are there. Not in a reliable way, well you are reliable, but that's not what I mean. Damn." He rubbed his hand over his stubble. If Juliet was honest she would say she was finding this whole thing endearing but she was also scared. "What I mean is, I ain't good at this, I use to think about Kate, like I was mourning her. I still think about her, but it's like she is my past now. But Juliet you are my here. I think about you, I think about touching your hair for god sake, I think about telling you about my day, about just spending time with you. You are in my present and I want you with me. Are you with me?"

Tears gathered in her eyes. "Chronologically we are your past too."

"This ain't no time for jokes." His smile betrayed him. He put out his hand and she took it.

"I'm with you James." He smile grew and his dimples showed themselves. She put her hand to his face where they formed. Touching his cheek tenderly. "And you can touch my hair if you would like." She laughed.

"You gonna use that against me forever Blondie?" Her response was only to laugh a little more.

He reached his hand into her hair and pulled her in for a kiss.

Le Finis.

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**Author's Note:** This is my first Juliet/Sawyer fic, Sawyer's voice is hard to get right, so I hope I did him even an nanogram of justice! I am fairly pleased with how this turned out, I was inspired by Laura Marling's song Ghosts and I really just wanted to try a piece of extended writing that was mostly dialogue. Some feedback would be great I would love to improve :D

p.s I'm new to !


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